It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
