Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
