Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
