That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
