R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
