Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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