I'm passing your future prison.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
