I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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