I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
