look no pants
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
