do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
