pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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