i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
