he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
