I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
