How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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