So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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