when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
