He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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