I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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