...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
