Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
