Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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