I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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