Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
