I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
