i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
