And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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