Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
