My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
