I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
