Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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