I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She bit a glass in half.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
