the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
