toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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