so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
