Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
