i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
