Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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