if i can run in heels then i can drive
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Randomize
