Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
