M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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