I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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