cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
