It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
