i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
