The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
