Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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