He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
