WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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