Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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