i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
